Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?
A: A nun falling down stairs.
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Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses says, “You know what? I’m going to try and part the ocean again.” He throws his hands in the air and, magically, the ocean parts.
Jesus sees this and says, “I’m going to try to walk on water again.” He walks up to the water, takes a step on top and sinks.
Moses says, “Try it again, Jesus. It’s been a while.” Jesus tries again, and once more, he sinks.
Jesus comes out of the water and says, “I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn’t have holes in my feet.”
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A stupid guy dies and goes to Heaven.
The gatekeeper of Heaven says, “Heaven is getting too full, so you have to pass this quiz to get in. First question: which two days of the week begin with T?”
The guy replies, “That’s easy. Today and tomorrow.”
The gatekeeper says, “OK, I’ll give it to you. Second question: how many seconds are in a year?”
The stupid guy says, “Twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd….”
The gatekeeper says, “OK, OK, I’ll give it to you. Last question: what is God’s first name?”
The stupid guy replies, “Howard.”
The gatekeeper asks, “How on earth did you get Howard?”
The guy says, “It’s right there in the prayer: Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.”
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Q: Why did everyone in Minneapolis quit going to church and lose their faith?
A: There are a dozen or so pages in the Bible about St. Paul, but nothing about Minneapolis.
