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The story of Rindercella and her sugly isters..... Ronnie Barker R.I.P.

By OldER Mycroft ·
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In memory of a great man. Ronnie Barker, RIP.

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie

Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how

many takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed

of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting

through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your

pants] as you read ...


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This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.


Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.


Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits,

and shivelling shot.


At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.


The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary

Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really

forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters

had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let

Rindercella go.


Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She

turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with

six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks


The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight

otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.


At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when

suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!"

said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so

dropping her slass glipper.


The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door

and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted

her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the

prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.


When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on

both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.


Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a

knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge

halls and a hig bard on.


He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking

ferfectly.


Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince

lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a

follen swanny.

*I'll bet this beats the TR syntax parser

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rotflmao

by Jaqui In reply to The story of Rindercella ...

I missed seeing it on the show when it was broadcast out here. that is well done.

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Got to be said the man was a

by Tony Hopkinson In reply to The story of Rindercella ...

jucking phenius.

I wonder how many takes it took him...

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The man was a genius. This surely isn't him

by neilb@uk In reply to The story of Rindercella ...

This is all over the Web and is attributed to Ronnie but I bet you'll not find any provenance. He just wasn't ever crude - as this is - and it's a bit sad that you can so blithely attribute it to him.

He was better than this!

Much!

Neil

As far as I can find out, the author was Red Skelton.

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Here's another version.......not by Ronnie Barker (again)

by OldER Mycroft In reply to The story of Rindercella ...

This one is on the net as an MP3...
http://www.matthewgoldman.com/spoon/audio/rindercella.mp3


The Story of Rindercella

Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.

And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"

When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!

So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!

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Another version...

by JamesRL In reply to The story of Rindercella ...

http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiRINDACEL.html

This is the one I remember hearing on Hee Haw TV show in the early 70s.


Rindercella
(As told by Archie Campbell)

Once upon a time in a corn foundry there lived a geautiful birl and her name
was Rindercella. Now Rindercella lived with her mugly other and two sad
blisters. Also in this same corn foundry there lived a pransome hince, and
this pransome hince was going to have a bancy fall and he'd invited people
for riles amound especially the pich reople. Now Rindercella's mugly other
and her two sad blisters went to town to buy some dancy fesses for the
bancy fall, but Rindercella couldn't go cause all she had to wear were some
old ruddy dags. Finally the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella
couldn't go so she just crank down and shried. And she was sitting there
shrieing when all of the sudden there appeared before her, her gay
mudfather and he touched her with his wagic mand and there appeared
before her a kig bulch and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall,
and he said -- "Rindercella, be sure and be home before midnight or I'll
purn you into a tumpkin!" Wh
and Rindercella spaced down the rairs and just as she beached the rottom
she slopped her dripper! The next day this pransome hince went all over
this corn foundry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper.
They finally came to Rindercella's house, and he tried it on the mugly other
and it fidn't dit. Then he tried lt on the two sisty uglers and it fidn't dit an
d
then he tried it on Rindercella and it fid dit! It was exactly the sight rize!
And so they were married and lived heavenly after happily. Now the storal
of the mory is: if you go to a bancy fall and you want a pransome hince to
lell in fove with you -- don't forget to slop your dripper!

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you've got it wrong

by l.l.o.301 In reply to The story of Rindercella ...

It was her mep stother and two sisty uglers
gluckenfutch and knockenblocker
this was from a version I listened to as a child by Skip Wagner a dear friend of my father who was in the Air Force with him
we have the original 45 to this day.

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