First, I wish you all a happy new years…
And the joy of a new year to all of your families.
Friday, December 30th, my father took his own life.
His mother (my grandmother) passed away Dec 7th, 2005. Let’s just say that Alzheimer’s is a bad thing.
In his last years of his life, his health had took a serious down turn. Recently, he was confined to a wheelchair, due to health. Without going into detail, he was facing the loss of both his legs.
He increasingly needed to rely on the kindness of others, to get through each day of his life. That was very hard for him. He had always lived his life athletic, and independent. To be in this situation was hard for him. To be constricted in his movements was equally hard.
There wasn’t a “better” future for him. It was only going to be a slow degredation of his motor skills, and a increased reliance on others. This is not how he wanted to live his life. Barry always wanted to be the strong, focal person. The failure of his body was against everything he believed in. Plus, he was unable to care for his cats…his friends in his house.
Instead of suffering this, he decided to move on. When I say, “move on”, I mean in the truest form of Buddhism. In the Buddhist thought, our current life is a “stage”. There is a beginning and an end to this “stage”. For him, it was time to end this level of his existence. It was time for him to move on. It was perfect logical for him.
Why am I telling you this?
One, because you are my extended community. And I just gotta tell someone. I’m sure you understand that.
But, more importantly… I talked to my dad more in the last 6 weeks than I had in the last 6 years. I won’t go into the reasons why, that is for another missive. Let’s just say “Repairing burnt bridges”.
But, from someone who now has “lost” a Grandmother and a Dad in the past 3 weeks… do me a favor. Take a moment, and set past differences aside. Yes, I know that may be asking a whole lot (trust me). But make your peace with your dads, your children, your relatives. Before it’s too late. Because you may not have that chance tomorrow. If your relative doesn’t want to make peace, so be it. At least you tried.
But trust me. You never want to walk into a house, where your Grandmother and your Dad lived the last days of their lives and say…”What If?”
Mark
ps. I may not have talked to you lately, but it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you. And I’m sorry about that.
pps. Oh, and I’m ok. I’m doing this thing day to day. I’m not looking for sympathy- I’m hoping all of you can understand.