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Thursday and Friday Yuk

By rdeane ·
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Seeing as most of us may have tomorrow off i thought i would take this opportunity to start the weekend off right. Also seeing as everyone is under the assumption that i dont contribute i thought this would break the ice nicely. Here we go ladies and gentlemen....

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
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One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

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A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber??

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the **** do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?
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Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as **** isn't good enough for you!"

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Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...'' Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

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I guess no one wants to participate

by rdeane In reply to Thursday and Friday Yuk

See if i contribute again....haha

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Patience, young Jedi <nt>

by daveo2000 In reply to I guess no one wants to p ...
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Dave I'm so proud of you <NT>

by Steffi28 In reply to Patience, young Jedi <nt>
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Sometimes I get it right! <lt>

by daveo2000 In reply to Dave I'm so proud of you ...

Then other, I stray into the grey zone and things get a little strange. :)

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But thats ok

by Steffi28 In reply to Sometimes I get it right! ...

I'm still proud

And you knew what I meant too

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It helps if you use the tag Thursday Yuk

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I guess no one wants to p ...

So that others can find it.

Now be a good little boy and edit your original post and add that tag.

BTW this is where we all hang out at the any time of the day that we feel like as we are all indispensable.

http://tinyurl.com/q6qy8

Col the fragile one.

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Disasters

by daveo2000 In reply to Thursday and Friday Yuk

Did you hear about the young woman standing in front of the small propeller airplane? Yeah, she wasn't paying enough attention and backed up too far. Disaster!

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There were a few cows in one field and a couple of bulls in the other field seperated by a barbed wire fence. It appears that one of the cows was in a very amorous mood and got to running and jumped the fence towards the bulls. Utter catastrophy.

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Shouldn't that be

by dspeacock In reply to Disasters

UDDER catastrophy???

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Well it's much better than this one

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Shouldn't that be

A bunch of amorous sheep where in one paddock and the newly arrived $1,000,000.00 Stud Ram was in the next separated by a 3 strand wire fence. One of the sheep could no longer control itself and started to run toward the fence but at the very last second made a Ewe turn.

Col ]:)

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But I am a Pure one...

by daveo2000 In reply to Shouldn't that be

I can't use words like the one that you said :) It might corrupt me :0

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