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Thursday Jokes

By PurpleSkys ·
Tags: Off Topic
Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole and they are interchangeable'

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Old joke, so's this one.

by Slayer_ In reply to Thursday Jokes

A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when, not that far from his destination, his car broke down.

Trying not to be late out of respect for the client, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some tea-money (bribe) off him, so they challenged him: "Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"

The undertaker said, "Shish, I do not like where I was buried, so I am busy relocating".

The policemen turned and ran for their lives!!!

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I love it-nt

by PurpleSkys In reply to Old joke, so's this one.
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That got a belly-laugh!

by NickNielsen In reply to Thursday Jokes

Thanks, I needed it.

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One good chuckle deserves another (at least an attempt!)

by wizard57m_cnet Moderator In reply to Thursday Jokes

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

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I like it

by Slayer_ In reply to One good chuckle deserves ...
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Well, since you enjoyed that one, here's a short one!

by wizard57m_cnet Moderator In reply to I like it

The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.

He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock the safe!"

"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."

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A question for the legal department...

If a couple living together for two years in the state of Tennessee decide to relocate to the state of West Virginia, where they get married, have three children over a seven year period, and then decide to divorce, if after the man moves back to the state of Tennessee, can the couple thereafter still be referred to as brother and sister?

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Since we're on the subject of medical jokes...

by wizard57m_cnet Moderator In reply to Thursday Jokes

Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."

Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "24 Hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?"

Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

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Doctor speaking to a Patient

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Thursday Jokes

Doctor I have some Good News and some Bad News for you.

Patient Well I'm strong give me the Bad News I can take it.

Doctor. You have HIV it's out of control and most likely not treatable.

Patient That's terrible how can I live with that it's a death sentence and everyone will avoid me.

How can anything be better after such bad news?

Doctor You also have Alzheimer's so you can go home and forget all about it.


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