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Thursday Yuk because I'm off on Friday (Michigan edition)

By maecuff ·
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Since the Michagan/OSU game is upon us, I thought I'd send a few jokes just for JD.

Did you hear that Michigan's library burned down? Yep, they lost all five books. The football team was very broken up over it because they still hadn't colored in two of them.

Q. What do Michican students get on their SAT's?

A. Drool

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OK, jd. How many of these make sense?

by neilb@uk In reply to Thursday Yuk because I'm ...

I've posted some of this list before - but what the **** (the town, that is).

you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.
your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.
your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).
snow tires come standard on all your cars.
at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
you can identify an Ohio accent.
owning a Japanese car was a hanging offence in your home town.
you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.
you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.
you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.
someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor..."
"Down South" to you means Toledo.
you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.
octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or loopers," but not Fudgies, as that's too offensive for your "ant" and uncle.
the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Dominos, Little Caeser's and Hungry Howie's.
a Big Mac is something you can drive across.
you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.
you had to get a passport and shots to go to Ohio.
you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.
your kid's baseball and softball games games have been ever been snowed out.
the trees in your backyard have spigots.
you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.
you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".
you know what a pastie is.
you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.
your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.
you have a favorite hockey team.
you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.
you know what a Vernor's is.
you know how to play Euchre.
you know how to pronounce Euchre (not to mention Sault St. Marie and Ypsilanti).
you see nothing wrong with watching fireworks in Detroit on July 2nd.
you find yourself incapable of throwing cans and bottles away when you are in another state.
you know how to pronounce panczki, and what you can do with one.
you get excited about turning 19.
you or your child has ever watched Sesame Street in French.
you've used the term "Yooper."
you've heard the band "Da Yoopers."
you've ever told someone that your move to Alpena was a move to "a big city.
you've totaled more than three cars bagging a deer.
you met your spouse in a bowling alley.
you can't understand why the government feels threatened by the Freemen.
Paradise and Climax are not states but towns to you.
Kazoo is not a toy, but a town (who actually calls it Kalamazoo anyway?).
you refer to Ann Arbor as A2.
"The Haven" is another term for Grand Haven, "Nasty Hatchet" for Bad Axe, and "Hazeltucky" for Hazel Park.
Big Beaver is a road, not an animal.
you call Lake Michigan the West Coast.
you quote Sonny Elliot.
a sunny day qualifies as a holiday.
you know what city Birmingham Chrysler-Plymouth is in.
your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Strohs and a bucket of smelt.
you know someone from Porch Yeurn.
you know where the city of Ocqueoc is AND can pronounce it.
you know that Ontonogan isn't a geometry term.
you know WHY Paradise is colder than ****.
you know that Saline isn't just a term for contact solution.
your car rusts out before the brakes wear out.
your "Go Lions" cheer is followed by "...and take the Tigers with you."
the word "thumb" brings to mind an axe, not a body part.
your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the first day of deer season.
there are really only TWO seasons: hockey season and off-season (or hunting season and construction season).
your snowmobile and fishing boat have big block Chevy engines.
half of the change in your pocket is Canadian.
you want Toledo BACK!
you think "going up north" would be a great vacation...in January.
you know at least two yooper jokes (like the one about da two brudders from Ipsheming who run red lights)...
fudge and bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.
November 15 is a paid holiday from work.
you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.
you don't cross picket lines.
you eat muskrat on Fridays during Lent because it's "seafood" (well, it's wet at least...).
you can sing along with YES MICHIGAN, DIA or old Faygo commercials.
you know what's on the corner of 9 Mile and Mack.
saying "50 watts per channel babycakes" with a Russian accent brings a chuckle.
you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities (and people!) as well as cars.
you've ever gone "trolling for taillights."
you can travel through Detroit and not get mugged.
your idea of creative landscaping is putting an extra pair of pink flamingos next to your blue spruce.
the highlight of a Friday night date with your girlfriend is shining for deer.
your idea of reaching Climax is driving just past Kalamazoo.
you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."

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Hey I'm NOT from Michigan

by JamesRL In reply to OK, jd. How many of these ...

But many of those make sense to me, and I am a couple a hundre miles from the border.

James

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I'm from Michigan

by ganyssa In reply to Hey I'm NOT from Michigan

and nearly all of these made perfectly good sense to me. I would never consider the big three to be anything other than Ford, GM and Chrysler, and I would never eat a smelt. Other than that, it's a scarily accurate portrayal of my apparently stereotype-ridden life.

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You have my condolences.

by JamesRL In reply to I'm from Michigan

I don't eat smelt, but know some who do. I do play Euchre, I occasionally drink Vernors, I know who equates Squid and Hockey(strange sad people). I've been through Detroit without being mugged(on my way to Port Huron).
\\James

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Smelt

by ganyssa In reply to You have my condolences.

I ate one by accident once (species interaction on a buffet table), and it was not an enjoyable experience. I play euchre, adore Vernors, and completely understand the octopus = hockey equation. I've even exited the car in Detroit without incident. Except for the one time my car radio was stolen while I was at a Tigers game.

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Smelt?

by Tink! In reply to Smelt

er...what's wrong with smelt?

Where I live in Illinois the local Friday fish fries run by the VFW have a bunch of smelt fries during the spring. We went to one. Breaded then fried smelts taste alot like sardines (I used to love sardines when I was a kid). We'd probably go to more if I can ever remember to mark the calendar.

Tink :)

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Whereas I

by TonytheTiger In reply to I'm from Michigan

smelt it before I ate it :)

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me too

by heml0ck In reply to Hey I'm NOT from Michigan

and shouldn't the fireworks in detroit be July 1st?

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I'm too close to MI

by Tig2 In reply to OK, jd. How many of these ...

We don't do the "yoopers" thing- Sven and Ole are fair game.

I have made a pastie. I have eaten them. I'm a transplant and I must tell you... not bad!

I can sing "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. A town to my north has an "Edmund Fitzgerald Day".

I have worked in downtown Minneapolis... and survived. I wasn't even armed!

I own pink flamingos. Several of them. I "flock" during fundraising season!

The Vikings stink... but I would never say that out loud.

I refer to the Twins as the "Twinkies"

As a transplant, I am darker skinned than ANYONE in this area. As a Native American, I am constantly asked which tribe. NO ONE has ever heard of my tribe. (New England- "What country is that???")

I know what a Looney is. I even know what a Double Looney is.

I drive a vehicle that is not made of metal. (Saturns are Kevlar... bulletproof, dontchaknow! But NOT made in Japan!)

Hockey is normal. We don't know why. People with false front teeth are normal too. We understand that...

You can't buy a car or alcohol on Sunday. Well, you can at least get a drink on Sunday... just can't buy it in a bottle! Still can't buy a car, but can call a cab!!!

Know what a deer whistle is... and have one mounted on your car.

Know more people who killed a deer with their car than managed to shoot one during season.

Know when season is!

Know WHAT season is!

Half the wardrobe is blaze orange.

Own a gun.

Own more than one.

Have a loaded one in the nightstand.

Can spend a pleasurable Saturday afternoon cleaning guns.

It takes more than 6 hours!

Know what Hoppes is. Own several bottles.

Refuse to drink "pop". (I'm a transplant!) Still bake with soda. Drink it too. Get odd looks from family and friends when I drink "soda". Have given up and drink Gin instead. Still get odd looks when I ask for a G&T. Have learned to translate. Now drink martinis. They understand that one... but Brandy is still more popular. So is a concoction referred to as "Captain and Coke". Don't want to know!

A sunny day doesn't occur until April... maybe.

We worry about poor weather in August!

There are two seasons- Winter and Under Construction.

Speed limit??? What's that??? (I remember this one from California!!!)

Even the small towns have a lake. (Gem Lake, population 436, Maple Lake, population 1638...)

Actually have been to Sault St Marie... and can pronounce it.

I could go on... but why? I chose it.

Beats the heck out of California...

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Michigan and the Midwest

by Tink! In reply to I'm too close to MI

Actually a few of the Michigan things are Midwestern things, so apply to Illinois, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. Michigan is sort of in the middle...it has a combination of Midwest and Eastern. But more of the Midwest.

Like the snow, the weather, the pop. (Talk about looks Tig...you should see the looks New Jerseyians used to give me when I asked for a pop - lived there for a few short years) :)

And of course Chicagoans are true to our teams even if they suck. In my parent's household it was a big day when Bears played Green Bay or Vikings (my mom's parents are in MN). It was a good idea to stay out of the way!
:)
Tink

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