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  • #2213501

    Two flies


    by santeewelding ·

    Older ones, I think, since they are larger and they alight for longer, compared to younger, which are smaller, more frenetic, and unpredictably harder to hit.

    The two are where the action is — me — ignoring the other end of the office, where no one is. They buzz me, God only knows why, at my end.

    They cause me no end of distraction. I’ve slapped and missed, now, several times with a 3X5 pad. This has taken me completely away from the sublimities of TR.

    (HAH! Got one!)

    Makes me think of the old ways. Does anyone sell the old-fashioned wire flyswatter anymore? Or, those sticky tape thingies you would hang from the ceiling? Last time I looked, they didn’t.

    Maybe if I publicize this, and the remaining fly is wired, glued as it is at the moment to the monitor, it will take a hint.

    I can’t believe I am the only one in the world harassed so.

All Comments

  • Author
    • #3027676


      by boxfiddler ·

      In reply to Two flies

      you should make yourself a belt.

    • #3027660

      I haven’t seen the flypaper rolls

      by seanferd ·

      In reply to Two flies

      in a long time. But a variety of flyswatters, I have seen.

      Perhaps CA is perceived as “too cool for flyswatters” by retailers, fiddling about with their demographic research.

    • #3027657

      sell flyswatters or glue strips?

      by jaqui ·

      In reply to Two flies

      The electric bug zappers are the modern style fly swatters.

      the glue strips, the pack of 4 rolls, I can find them in Chinatown shops still.

    • #3027641

      I see lots of Fly swatters,

      by .martin. ·

      In reply to Two flies

      especially in the shape of Australia.

    • #3027619

      may sound really silly

      by purpleskys ·

      In reply to Two flies

      but try local fish and tackle shops, i’ve seen both fly swatters and sticky strips there before. Up here we can normally get them at corner stores or dollar store, just not so much the big box stores; not sure why. In a pinch though, I’ve rolled up a newspaper 😉

      edit for spelling…lack of coffee

      • #3027521

        Rolled up newspaper is great…

        by ansugisalas ·

        In reply to may sound really silly

        Was going to post that.
        I hit them in mid-air, less mess, more sport.
        Just have to remember to pick up the “carcasses” as they’re just unconscious, usually.

        • #3027519

          Funny you mention that

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to Rolled up newspaper is great…

          I do the same. Just enough to stun them. Not enough to smear them. Then, you have to be quick to deliver the coup de grace as they stumble and struggle — again, not enough to smear.

        • #3027496

          If it’s a buzzer…

          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to Funny you mention that

          One can do it eyes closed, and have a Jedi moment… caution, not recommended near crystal chandeliers.

        • #2868866

          Hairspray or Windex

          by mr_m_sween ·

          In reply to If it’s a buzzer…

          I’ve found that hairspray or Windex works really well to slow down the ones that dont like to land. By messing with their wings they land, giving you a moment where you can stun them with the newspaper or other weapon of fly destruction. The fly is faster than you, but you are smarter than the fly.

    • #3027615


      by neilb@uk ·

      In reply to Two flies

      Spray the bastards!


    • #3027603

      You are not alone

      by nicknielsen ·

      In reply to Two flies

      As I sit on the porch with my coffee, I am visited by hordes.

    • #3027569

      I like to think of it as a game

      by av . ·

      In reply to Two flies

      I’m a country girl and there are lots of flies in the country. I can usually catch them (I’m pretty quick), but because I have a heart, I let them go free elsewhere. If they come back though, I take out my big old-fashioned flyswatter and let ’em have it. They don’t know what hit them.

      Usually a local mom and pop store has the flyswatters. You know what I’ve found though, if you take it out, the flies see it and disappear without you doing a thing. They’re not stupid.


    • #3027548


      by santeewelding ·

      In reply to Two flies

      Santee: 5; flies: 0.

      Only, the last one bounced and landed in my Madeira.

      Small price to pay, for now there are none.

      • #3027530

        Don’t you hate that

        by av . ·

        In reply to Tonight

        What a waste of a good glass of wine.


        • #3027529

          I should add

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to Don’t you hate that

          As well as your commiseration, for which I thank you, [b]AV[/b], that it was Paul Masson, which sucks. No loss.

          An intimate presented me with the real thing last Sunday, from the island of that name. It was really, really, really, really good. My first ever.

          I killed the 750ml bottle in one evening, so enamored and tipsy was I.

          Thing is, it’s $25 a bottle. Today I went looking for what I had hoped would be a cheap substitute. It was cheap and not a substitute.

          Yech. It and the fly got flushed.

        • #3027513

          Cheap is a dead end.

          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to I should add

          Affordability is key, along with prioritization.

        • #3027512

          Did you get this from

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to Cheap is a dead end.

          Our resident leadership guru?

        • #3027510

          Before alcohol lost my interest…

          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to Did you get this from

          I was a fan of Islay single malts. Laphroaigh. Lagavulin. The greatest achievements of scots thrift.
          They are not cheap, but I learned that, by cutting out quantity, also of other things, I could make them affordable.

      • #3027526

        The nerve!

        by seanferd ·

        In reply to Tonight

        I highly suspect I would rather have one in my ointment than in my liquid friend. A slain fly in Madeira is beyond the pale.

        • #3027523

          The pale

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to The nerve!

          Those stakes we each drive into the ground, delineating how it is that we are; how the rest of us are.

          I have this — sensitivity — to words.

        • #3027517

          Pole too.

          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to The pale

          But not, I surmise, the nationality.

        • #3027515

          A pole, opposed to a pale

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to Pole too.

          Would mark an origin, we each proceeding from that radial there. Have you accomplished this?


        • #3025595

          You should read

          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to A pole, opposed to a pale

          Space in language and cognition.
          It’s a hoot. One of those books that makes the brain all itchy with new perspectives and so-close-to-revelation-I-can-taste-it sensations.
          There are peoples out there to whom origo is nothing, axes everything. Absolute direction and mind-internal inertial compasses, non-stop 24/7 dead-reckoning. To them “doesn’t know where he is” means “crazy”.
          Well written too.

        • #3025583

          So then you know

          by seanferd ·

          In reply to The pale

          that this fence I erect lies closer to me than does a glass of Madeira with a fly in it. At least for purposes of forum hyperbole.

    • #3027518

      As I speak

      by santeewelding ·

      In reply to Two flies

      There is another. It plants itself on the monitor. It is not perturbed when I wiggle the arrow in its vicinity.

      What is this? Virtual intelligence?

    • #3027501

      Use Elastic Bands

      by the ‘g-man.’ ·

      In reply to Two flies

      That was a sport in my last office!

    • #3027483

      Even when they’re annoying me they often go to windows.

      by ron k. ·

      In reply to Two flies

      That’s where I nail them with brake cleaner, the kind with the little plastic tube on it. Hit them and they’re finished in seconds. The brake cleaner doesn’t leave much of a residue either. Do NOT spray your monitor or any plastics!
      The fumes probably aren’t good for you. We have adequate ventilation so that’s not an issue. If you get a lot of fumes you’ll begikl ot giblaar adn gooflegab. So bec cfreul.

    • #3027458

      Get an electronic fly swatter!

      by jdclyde ·

      In reply to Two flies

      It is a jolting experience….

    • #3025593


      by tink! ·

      In reply to Two flies

      Supplies both cheap-o plastic fly swatters and fly strips.

      I use the rolled glue strips above our kitchen sink since I’m a very bad housekeeper when it comes to doing dishes which makes fruit flies magically appear in swarms.

      We keep fly swatters handy at work since the industrial park is across the street from the local landfill. BiiiiiG flies tend to migrate in here when the door is opened for air.

    • #3025573

      where to get them

      by dr dij ·

      In reply to Two flies

      you can get plastic ones at 99c store
      they have 4 sticky strips for 99c.

      When I was working in IT at a juice packer in LA area, had lots of flies in acctg office. I had my own office off this and kept a bottle of water mixed with liquid dish soap.

      You spray them and it clogs their wings and breathing tubes and they scream ‘help meeeeeee…’ in very high pitched tones, as they writhe in agony and plummet to the floor. Very satisfying, almost like that movie ‘the Fly’ or where bart simpson is turned into fly boy.

      You need to get a good spray bottle with adjustable nozzle for a $ or two. Put it on stream, not spray and you’ll get great target practice.

      The good thing is that you don’t get alot of bug spray toxic stuff into your office.

      The sticky strips work but better on gnats and fruit flies at home.

      Even found rat traps (not mice traps which are smaller). Fruit rat had been climbing up to 2nd story and eating my tommies as they ripened. Every evening around 11:30 to 12:30. I put a tommie as bait around 11, was working on computer and heard a yelp. Poor little varmint had brains bashed in ,w asn’t nice.

      At a garden show saw a black box that they could enter and shocked them. Much cleaner. but mucho dinero$.

      • #3025571


        by santeewelding ·

        In reply to where to get them

        I use that, set to stream, on the occasional cockroach. Cleans them to death.

    • #3025531

      One tick.

      by ansugisalas ·

      In reply to Two flies

      Had to pluck it off the cat’s face.
      And as I looked to see if I had got the head out too, it wriggled it’s “fingers” at me, headless.
      Few things inspire me to extinction drives, but these do.
      I would see a tickless tomorrow.

    • #2869079

      You asked: “Does anyone sell the old-fashioned wire flyswatter anymore?”

      by bodonnell11 ·

      In reply to Two flies

      They sell plastic ones here in Oz – I think they’re made in China.

      • #2869077

        Thought briefly

        by santeewelding ·

        In reply to You asked: “Does anyone sell the old-fashioned wire flyswatter anymore?”

        Very briefly, of making my own, which I did once long ago, using a coat hanger and a swatch of window screening.

        At today’s rates, it would cost me a couple hundred dollars, and I couldn’t profit by selling the one for less than a thousand.

        • #2869071

          At today’s rates . . .

          by bodonnell11 ·

          In reply to Thought briefly

          you would have to be including your time. Wouldnt you rather have someone in China or somewhere else make them for nix and then +-1.

        • #2869058

          Maybe you should use…

          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to Thought briefly

          a powerful blower, a catch-pipe and… something nasty at the end of that pipe.
          You probably have something like that in your shop, right?
          I got one the other day with the vaccuum cleaner.

          Someone should get that dyson fellow to invent a motorless flysmasher… that bladeless fan on the “Geeks in heat” thread’s parent blog looked very neat.

    • #2869053

      If I am about to wash my hands

      by ic-it ·

      In reply to Two flies

      Then a nice clap, about an inch over the top, will usually result in demise of said offender.

      • #2869048


        by santeewelding ·

        In reply to If I am about to wash my hands

        That takes two hands. How do I make the sound of clapping with one hand, the other gripping the mouse?

        • #2869036

          To free your mind

          by ic-it ·

          In reply to Jedi

          (and smush the fly), you must release the mouse.

        • #2869032


          by ansugisalas ·

          In reply to Jedi

          I can clap with one hand (either). But not hard enough to stun a fly. I’m good, but not that good.

        • #2868996

          You have to use the scoop method

          by av . ·

          In reply to Jedi

          One hand on the mouse, and the other quickly grabs the offender, setting it free outside. Its the ultimate test of your reflexes, and nothing dies in the process.


        • #2868992

          This would be

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to You have to use the scoop method

          The vegan way, since you’re not allowed to kill and eat the fly.

        • #2868863

          Flies are dime a billion…

          by cmiller5400 ·

          In reply to You have to use the scoop method


          Can you tell I [b]H A T E[/b] flies? Nasty, disease ridden, filthy, vile buggers. YUCK. I especially hate those suckers that are as big as a Volkswagen. I can’t work until they are all squished flat. I have gotten quite proficient in catching them with one hand. The other thing to remember when trying to use a fly swatter is that the fly must move backward a little bit before it can attain flight…

          Speaking of flies… Bzzzzzzzzzzzz… SMACK! Quiet again 😀

    • #2868873


      by ernststavroblofeld ·

      In reply to Two flies

      I thought this was the old Rorschach ink blot test joke:

      An old European guy goes to see a shrink, who proceeds to do a Rorschach ink blot test. In response to the first blot, the old guy blurts out: “Two Flies F**king!”. Somewhat taken aback, the doc shows him another – same immediate response: “Two Flies F**king!”. Now really concerned, the doc shows him another, gets the same response.

      Doc: Well, Mr. Spritz, I can only tell you that I think you have a serious sexual obsession here. A serious problem indeed.

      Patient: Problem? Me? I’m not the one with the dirty pictures!

      Anyway, Two Flies …. brought it to mind.

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