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Wednesday joke

By PurpleSkys ·
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Dear Technical Support,

I am writing to express my deep dissatisfaction with your Companion for Women series of programs. While Boyfriend Ver1 was quite lovely, having flowers delivered, sending sweet emails, subsequent versions were increasingly less useful. Each version would install numerous additional sub-programs that I could not disable. I???m not entirely sure what the ???Night Out With the Boys??? program does, only that while it was running the Boyfriend program seemed to disappear from my system. If I tried to uninstall NOWB I would get a Smothering error message.

I was told that would all be fixed in the latest version, Husband, but I have found this version riddled with even more problems than the Boyfriend series. The Flatulence audio bug is particularly annoying.

The regular email alerts no longer contain compliments and declarations of love. Instead they complain about the figures in the Quicken budget and criticized the frequency of my online shopping purchases. I also keep finding links to diet and plastic surgery websites that I did not add in my bookmarks folder. That is particularly amusing since I???ve needed to upgrade my RAM several times to compensate for Husband???s ever expanding consumption of resources.

The calendaring functionality is completely broken as the Anniversary, Birthday and other special occasion features have ceased to function at all. The Handyman program functions sporadically, only working for one Saturday out of a month, if I???m lucky. I???ve just given up on the Romance packet. And don???t get me started on the Bedroom Peripheral. Functions for about five minutes then just dies and refuses to function again for several days.

The program is also quite susceptible to viruses. The Buddies Worm has destroyed my operating system, particularly the Living Room Suite. Some second party program called ???Poker Night??? installed itself, consuming even more of my resources and littering my system with vulgar .txt files while the tower discharges this noxious smoke.

Any attempts to modify the Husband program have been met with administrative error messages berating me for being too controlling. In fact, the Husband program has taken over most of my operating system, bogging it down with constant requests, especially ???file not found??? errors. The program just can???t seem to keep track of anything for itself. Honestly, I can???t tell you how many times I???ve had to re-establish file paths for it.

It???s gotten to the point where it???s absolute misery to log into my computer. I come home from work (followed by a series of necessary errands) only to be meet by a long list of requests from my Husband program as if I have nothing better to do than meet it???s needs when I log in.

I suspect the only solution will be to wipe the hard drive and reinstall my operating system. I don???t really need your help as I???ve purchased the Divorce Lawyer uninstaller program and it promises to both remove all traces of Husband from my operating system while recovering most of my resources.

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The flatulance audio glitch is a feature

by Slayer_ In reply to Wednesday joke

It lets you know when the husband program appreciates you.

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lol oh ok

by PurpleSkys In reply to The flatulance audio glit ...

"rolls eyes"

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Does that just brighten up your day

by JamesRL In reply to lol oh ok

Now you know how much he appreciates you....

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LOL yes

by PurpleSkys In reply to Does that just brighten u ...
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"Why are they called male 'enhancement' pills?", she asked.

by CharlieSpencer In reply to Wednesday joke

"My husband's been taking them for months, but he still leaves the seat up and won't take out the trash."

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I do not think that the male can be enhanced

by Michael Jay In reply to "Why are they called male ...

They are a very simple WYSIWYG device.

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and that's the source of so much marital problems

by Deadly Ernest In reply to I do not think that the m ...

the female collects a WYSIWYG items and gets upset when she can't make major modifications, so she then takes her anger out on the unchanging WYSIWYG.

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Its worth mentioning

by Slayer_ In reply to Wednesday joke

Men are not bound by the 3 laws of robotics.

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This completely cracks me up.

by seanferd In reply to Wednesday joke

I can't tell where the bigger dig is, or if all three are equal. That kind of software, that kind of man, or that kind of woman. (Stereotypes which actually manifest in reality, frighteningly enough.)

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HR Heaven and ****

by PurpleSkys In reply to Wednesday joke

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director
was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven
where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,
it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once
had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really
sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to,"
replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is
let you have a day in **** and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven,"
said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in
an elevator and it went down-down-down to ****. The doors opened and she
found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf
course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her
were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and
they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up
and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They
played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club
where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the
Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a
great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time
that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand
and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went
up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peter
waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next
24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She
had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St.
Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in **** and you've spent
a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said. The woman
paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say
this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in ****." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and
again she went down-down-down back to ****.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends
were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in
sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage
and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you,
today you're staff..."

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