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What is your best and great user

By zlitocook ·
Stories from 2005? I asked the same thing last year and still laugh or just shake my head at some of them.
I will start by telling one of my own user stories. I was a new employee at a small bank and had the pleasure to upgrade all the old servers to Win 2000! There were 11 servers and six were old Unix servers/ pre 98, well they ran all the banking services from them. All the data bases were not uopgradeable to Windows of any type. I told the CIO that we needed to export the data to a file and try to import to Excel and try to import to the new servers.
He only wanted his files saved and some things on the sever saved. I thought he was talking about his own laptop. But he said no I should not worry about the banks information because it is backed up ever night and can be access any time.
Well the back ups were never checked and were blank, I tried to show him this but was told to compleat the project. Well I left the bank the next week before the bank was examaned by the FDIC.

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Key Systems

by mjd420nova In reply to What is your best and gre ...

While doing field service for a previous boss,
we serviced a standalone system that stored
car keys in little plastic boxes with a barcoded
label on the outside. The idea was that a new car dealer could put in all the keys for the demo
cars on the lot, track them and identify who
had what keys. It could hold 750 boxes, but
the turnstile that held the shelves on which the
little boxes sat were plastic and would sag as the number of keys increased, forcing a
recalibration of the servo positioning system
that delivered the boxes. The secretary that
was responsible for adding new keys and getting
rid off the old ones was not taking out the old
keys. Big trouble, as the system would fsil to find the keys as the servos could not repeat
itself to either fetch or return the boxes.
My job was to recalibrate on a weekly basis
until it could hold no more, then purge the
the system, recalibrate with only 100 keys and
continue the process. Got to know the salemen
by first name and avoided the secretary like
the plague. When the top boss got the bill, new secretary did puges daily and I never had to go back

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dumb users.....

by Ou Jipi je In reply to Key Systems

User: What do I do now?
Admin: Type your password into the password window
User: It does not work
Admin: What do you mean it does not work?
User: When I type in my password, only small "x'es" appear.
Admin: Hold on for a minute, I am going to go to have a quick heart attack...

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Dumb Users part 2

by jsdutcher69 In reply to dumb users.....

User: I can't access my email over the internet.
Me: Do you have Internet Explorer open?
User: No, my screen is blank and there's no icons to click on.
Me: Is you system turned on?
User: ohhhhh, I knew I forgot something (and this person is the top sales rep for the company)

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DUmb user part III

by Go_Jetskiing_800SXR In reply to Dumb Users part 2

Admin: the login windows should popup
user: Oh, I see it.
Admin: type in the domainname\username
User; whats the domain?
Admin: Enterprise\
User: then my name?
Admin: yes:
User: <blank stare>loss of brain function
Admin: you do know your name?
User: Oh yes, of course I do.

He wanted me to tell him his name.

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He Hooked It

by twylyght In reply to DUmb user part III

A fellow called up describing his computer making noise like something was loose inside his case. He couldn't describe it, so he held the phone up to his system. Sure enough, it was making noise.

When Cy and I got there it was still sounding strange. We opened it up, and much to our surprise, we found a golf ball in the case.

We looked up at this fellow and asked, "[User]. Um, how do you suppose this got in there?"... holding up the golf ball. He got really pensive for a moment, and then it dawned on him. "Well, I do remember playing PGA Tour on this thing, and I hooked this one shot WAY far to the left."

As it turned out, he was the butt of an office prank.

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Ignorant users

by willwilco In reply to He Hooked It

We too played a joke similar to that on one of our co-workers. We went to fix his printer and found that it was not a quick fix, so we had to take his printer back to the shop. We unhooked the printer cable and making a big show of holding it up high in the air, told him that he could not lay the cable down or the data would run out of the cable. He sat there holding the cable for a bit looking a bit sheepish and then got the bright idea of hanging the cable on the wall with the connector pointed up, so we let him. I am not sure how long he fell for that.

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Dumb Users Part IV

by Lovs2look In reply to DUmb user part III

User: my password won't work.
Me: can't you remember it?
User: Yes! I's my daughters name.
Me: Don't tell me! I don't want to know what your password is...
User: Oh no...that's fine...just...can you tell did I spell it?
Me: Your OWN daughter's name...?

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My favorite question

by mjmarcus In reply to DUmb user part III

"I lost my password, can I borrow yours?"

I've gotten this one from the same guy for three different apps.

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My favorite question

by mike_chappell In reply to My favorite question

"Is sausage bad for printers?"

To this day I wish I had replied "Patties or links?"

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The Mouse That Couldn't

by dclay2112 In reply to My favorite question

I get a call from a user saying their mouse isn't working right. I go to investigate and ask this person what the problem is. The mouse won't move as far to the left as the user needs. I look and this person is dragging the mouse on a mouse pad and it gets to the end of pad. I first said, for starters, you don't need a mousepad (we have laser) and you can move the mouse where ever you like. "Oh." That's all you get("Oh")from anybody when your in the IT profession.

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