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Why I will not be hanging my stocking up THIS year

By neilb@uk ·
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I posted this last year but, since then, I?ve been checking up more carefully on the facts. As I was once a scientist I have a certain scepticism that has finally convinced me that Santa Claus DOES NOT EXIST. I?m sorry if this comes as a shock to some of you but as you get your presents anyway - stop whining!

Here?s my reasoning.

No known species of reindeer can fly but there are millions of species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are beetles I cannot completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are well over two billion children - defined as persons under 18 years - in the world but since Santa doesn?t handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total ? around 400 million. At an average rate of 2 children per household, that's 200 million homes. I?m making the assumption that there?s at least one good child in each household.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 1792 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/2000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming, for the purpose of simplifying the maths, that each of these 200 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth, we are now talking about a half mile per household with a total trip of 100 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at a minimum of 900 miles per second, A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Again, to simplify the calculations we?ll assume that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set at two pounds weight. The sleigh is therefore carrying 400,000 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 250,200 reindeer and these are not small! This increases the payload by an additional 34,000tons assuming a weight for a bull reindeer of 300 pounds.

434,000 tons travelling at 900 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 x 10^30 joules of energy per second each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second leaving a smell of overcooked venison in their wake. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

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ludicrously slim indeed

by jdclyde In reply to Why I will not be hanging ...

As I know what 245 lbs looks like, I can bet that last five pounds will not make that big of a difference! :0

But, as a scientist, you of course forget the special power of MAGIC. Sure, it didn't bring my ex-wifes lover back to her, as much as she tried, it does have it's place.

If the statue of liberty can be made to disappear, then deer that have eaten magic corn can do as they please!

Oh, don't let Mambo read this. It would be so depressing, he would be smiles from ear to ear! B-)

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Statue of Liberty disappear?

by neilb@uk In reply to ludicrously slim indeed

Have I got to be the voice of rational thought ALL of the time?

IT WAS A TRICK!

D'oh...

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It was MAGIC

by jdclyde In reply to Statue of Liberty disappe ...

he even said so!

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No JD the only thing Magic

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to It was MAGIC

Was the Mushrooms that he ate before the trick was performed giving him the delusion that he actually performed Magic rather than just a Trick.

Actually while we are on the subject of DM what have you done to scare him away?

Col ]:)

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I think he is hiding in his cave

by jdclyde In reply to No JD the only thing Magi ...

high over whovile.

He was getting more Christmas cheer sent his way than he could handle, thanks to my "<b>A Joyous Merry Christmas To Mambo</b>" discussion.

http://tinyurl.com/yy5t5f

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Thanks for the link JD

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I think he is hiding in h ...

I missed that one. It's way to easy to do with the new layout. :_|

Col

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speaking of easy, here is another one

by jdclyde In reply to Thanks for the link JD
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I saw magic the other day...

by TonytheTiger In reply to It was MAGIC

a young lady was walking up the street and she suddenly turned into a drug store :)

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And my wife makes money disappear on a regular basis

by lpint In reply to I saw magic the other day ...
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Sorry but if you have

by zlitocook In reply to Why I will not be hanging ...

Never read a book, watched a movie or just thought about some thing you liked, you do not belive!
Santa is not a thing to touch or see it is a feeling, a way of life and how you live your life. Santa is not dead he is just watching the world now, the place is a mess and needs a good cleaning!

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